You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
