yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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