she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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