what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
