i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
