Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
