Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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