and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sex in a hospital.. check
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
