she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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