that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
These tits shall not be calmed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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