problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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