I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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