You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
