Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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