dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
