in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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