craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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