Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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