Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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