I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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