You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize