she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
