trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize