High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
