So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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