thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
