I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
