he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
