shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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