Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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