I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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