Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
