that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
