he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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