I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
