Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
