People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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