My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
