dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
