The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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