is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
