I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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