Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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