I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"it" just moved
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
