me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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