I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
