I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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