You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
