i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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