Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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