I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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