pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
