i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
