I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
