I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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