Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
time to smoke my breakfast
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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