i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
