He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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