I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
