Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
