Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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