soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
