I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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