We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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