her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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