Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
