How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
