she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
